“Feed your intellect because it’s what you (think you) need. Feed it because you would rather focus on the facts than on your own thoughts. Learn about your anatomy, study the planets, and learn all you can from history. Fill your mind with what you can handle to keep it from what you can’t. Choose fleeting moments of satisfaction over eternal happiness.
But deep down you know that at your darkest moment none of that comes to rescue you. At your darkest moment you can’t remember which planet rotated around the sun in a different direction from the rest or which cranial nerve was first. Was it the olfactory or was it the optic?
At your darkest moment your memory of her outshines all the data you have ever acquired. Her memory that is not only the cause of your despair but also the reason behind your recovery. A memory imprinted so effortlessly in your memory that you cannot let it go no matter how hard you try in contrast to the knowledge that escapes you no matter how hard you try to hold on to it.
You wonder what will happen to that memory as you grow older and your memory starts to give out. Will it disappear along with everything else? Or will it outlive you as it exists for a few seconds as chemicals between neurons after your heart stops beating?
Do you even know which you would rather it be? If it lived on with you would it haunt you in your final moments or would it make it all okay?
Questions you have no way of answering now or ever until it’s time. Now all you know is that you would rather drown your thoughts with pieces of knowledge. Bury your face into that book and worry about the characters rather than your self. Hide behind your intellect, your knowledge, your deductions, and your wittiness for they are all you have.”