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No Joke

Standing on his building’s rooftop he was assessing whether a jump off a 7 story building would definitely kill him. He thought in anger and fury as he made a plan that was not to be executed that night.

“They all think I’m a joke. Somehow every time I mess up it’s hilarious. People never let things go. My wife wants to leave me because she doesn’t think I’m going anywhere with my life. What about her life? She’s not going anywhere either! What a hypocrite! Even my friends and family wait for me to fail in some hilarious way when I’m with them. It’s like seeing me slip-up is their only source of laughter. For years I’ve been ridiculed by the people I loved.

“My boss doesn’t trust me with any work anymore. One or two silly mistakes that could have happened to anyone and suddenly I’m useless at the office. I’m someone he can’t rely on. My coworkers keep asking in a sarcastic manner if I need any help when I’m assigned the simplest and smallest of tasks; tasks that I can’t fuck up.”

The thoughts ran through his mind and then he paused and took in a deep breath of fresh air. He looked again and was certain this time that a fall would kill him. He thought about ending his life that night but no he thought of something better.

“Why end it now? I can’t end it with everyone thinking I’m a joke, a failure. I’ll spend the next few months showing them I’m a perfectionist. I will succeed at everything I do. My conversations will be stimulating and intellectual. I will make them laugh at my jokes rather than my mistakes. Then everyone will rely and count on me. I will be essential to my boss. My friends won’t stand to meet without me and will make time to see me. Yes! I will be the most important person in the life of everyone I know!

“Right at that moment, only then will I jump off this building. I won’t die a joke. They will miss and mourn me. The office will collapse in my absence. Family gatherings will never be the same. Something will always be missing. I will always be missing. They’ll know then how important I was and they’ll remember me not as a joke, but as a leader, as the most reliable person they have ever met.

“Maybe I should stay alive after changing their mind about me, but no..no. They mocked my mistakes and they don’t deserve me at my best. I’m going to teach them all a lesson those ungrateful filthy beings. Each of them pretends to have never made a mistake. I’ll divorce my wife anyway before I dazzle everyone else. She’ll only hear about how great I will become and she’ll beg to come back to me but I’ll end all her hope when I jump only adding to her misery. Yes, I’ll teach them. I’ll show them!”

He felt pretty good about himself and completely satisfied with his grand plan. He took one final deep breath and look at the city below and beyond him. He looked at the stars and added learning about them to the list of things he wanted to do before the jump.

Finally he got off the roof and took the elevator back to his floor. As he put his hands in his pockets he collapsed on the floor in laughter. He laughed at the irony that he had forgotten his keys and locked himself out of his own apartment. He laughed so hard the neighbors opened the door and told him to shut up.

What a joke.

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Entertainment Tonight

“Entertain me,” she said to her husband on a lazy Wednesday night. He looked up from his phone with a smile and said “well how about we go out?”

“It’s late and all the shops and restaurants oughtta be closed by now. I demand to be entertained!”

“We don’t need the shops and restaurants. You asked me to do something now let me do it.”

“Okay then I’ll go get dressed,” she said as she got out of bed. “Wear something comfortable, honey,” he said in a playful manner. She asked what they were going to do and he simply replied, “I don’t have a clue,” but he said it with such honesty that she mistook it for sarcasm.

It was the middle of September and the weather was lovely. As they got out of their house it was a few minutes past 9. They held each other’s hands and walked down the sidewalk and that was when they spotted a bus heading to their neighbor city which just so happened to have a beach. Realizing this was his chance to turn an ordinary night into something special he jumped into the bus as soon it stopped and yanked her off the street and into the bus. “Are you insane? We’re not dressed for the beach. Come on let’s go do something back at home.” She said to him in disbelief not fully realizing what’s happening. In the manner of someone who owns the bus and the plans to the rest of the evening he replied “It’s already done. We’re here and we’re going to the beach. You asked for entertainment and I’ll give it to you. The night is only starting.”

A few miles into the desert between both cities the bus broke down. Passengers were welcome to stay inside while the driver sent, and waited, for another bus to come pick them up. Seeing as there was no form of entertainment in waiting in a bus the husband suggested to his wife that they start walking down the road. Seeing as how the night was going she decided to join the general atmosphere and agreed to his proposal. They told the driver that if he spotted them down the road while in the new bus he’d stop and pick them up and off they went.

As they went down the road he jokingly asked her if she liked his methods of entertainment and with a smile she answered “Well I’m certainly not bored.” A little while later they grew tired and decided to lay down for a bit. With their backs against the floor and their ears on the lookout for a bus engine they saw the stars. “We can never see them at home I almost forgot they existed,” he remarked. “Well I’m glad you remembered. Maybe this whole night wasn’t a total waste,” she said sarcastically. Their laughter was interrupted by the sound of a motorcycle passing by.

As they got up they noticed a black motorcycle slowing down and heading for them. The guy on the motorcycle didn’t look very friendly. He had a tattoo of two guns crossed in an X on his left arm. He stared at them for a few seconds and as he took a knife out of his pocket BAM in half a second the wife’s foot made contact with his face knocking him down. She was thankful for her karate lessons, her choice of shoes that night, and whatever it was that gave her the guts to do that. As the man made contact with the floor her husband kicked the knife away as she started the motorcycle and screamed “LET’S GO!” As they drove away they both kept screaming that they were sorry to the man helping himself off the floor in utter astonishment.

To their neighboring city they headed. On the way they played music at full volume and accompanied it by alternating periods of nervous laughter and singing along. As they got into the city a police officer spotted them and told them that the police was looking for the same kind of motorcycle with these exact license plates and took them to the police department. After about an hour of making sure that these people aren’t wanted by the law, the police let them go.

They didn’t really give a damn that they lost the motorcycle. It’s not like they were relying on it to get back home and they had already gotten to where they wanted. Hand in hand they walked to the beach. There they found an open diner and got something to eat then they headed for the beach. They stayed until they saw the sunrise and then took the earliest bus back home. It was the most entertaining night of their lives.

The next morning, technically it was 5pm, she woke her husband up by nearly pushing him off the bed and screaming “WAKE UP! READ THE NEWSPAPER!” As he got up and put on his glasses he read the following headline off the front page: WANTED MAN STOPS BUS ON ITS WAY TO NEIGHBORING CITY AND MURDERS EVERYONE ON IT. The attached picture of the man being arrested didn’t show much but it showed a tattoo of two guns crossed in an X on his left arm.

She never asked her husband for an entertaining night again.

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The Egyptian Code

You may have the passport, but have you really EARNED your nationality?

1.All animals are equal, but some animals are more equal than others”.

2. You cannot criticize someone you support.

3. You cannot praise someone you usually disagree with.

4. Woman noun: a being with the purpose of cleaning, cooking, and staying at home. Education is optional but not for serious use.

5. You talk about everything. You listen to people who have the same views only. Everyone else is a sinner.

6. Work is for lesser nationalities such as German and Japanese.

7. Nothing is your fault.

8. Everything is a conspiracy.

9. You are the center of the world universe.

10. You deserve all that is good.

11. Some things are wrong for no reason. You were raised that way.

12. You want your country to be clean but that does not mean you should participate in the process.

13. It’s better to succeed alone than with anyone else.

14. It’s better for others to fail than for you to succeed.

15. Time and order are of no value. You thrive on chaos.

16. Some lives are more sacred than others.

17. Some people deserve to die and their death should not be mourned.

18. You talk about the affairs of other countries but they’re not allowed to mention yours.

19. You have a theory for why everything is the way it is but whether or not you’re part of the problem is irrelevant.

20. Some lives are more sacred than others!!

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Discrimination #30daywritingchallenge

Ageism just like any other form of discrimination is unacceptable. I’m not sure why this challenge is only focusing on ageism and I suppose I’ll be talking about all other kinds of discrimination as well.

The way I see it there’s only one reason why anyone would discriminate against a group of people: weakness and fear. Only someone so small and insecure would judge a whole group of people by something they have in common whether it be age, gender, or ethnicity. You only do that if you’re afraid of others and learning more about people. Your fear drives you to categorize everyone you meet into very few categories that in your own little mind make you feel safe like you know everything about someone based on that one thing.

You’ll find that racists, sexists, and all other kinds of discriminators will stick together because their minds are so simple and their personalities are so weak that they need to keep each other safe. The only way they feel safer is if they manage to fill other people’s heads with their crap.

No one is born racist. A child will only inquire about why someone is a different color than they are out of curiosity. The same way a child might ask why someone is really tall or where do babies come from. I have never seen or heard about a kid that refused to play with another kid because the other child was of a different ethnicity. I’ve never heard a little boy say his mom wouldn’t be a good surgeon/architect. These are things the media and small minded idiots feed children and unfortunately it can leave an impression on a child whose mind is still developing.

Why anyone would discriminate against an old person is beyond me. If anything old people should be taken care of just like they helped take care of their children and grandchildren. How are we even discussing discrimination against old people when most people neglect their elderly anyhow? How much worse can it be? What can anyone possibly find threatening in an old person? I’d like to see someone make an argument for ageism just so see how small of a person he/she is.

Discrimination is an acquired disease of the mind. A disease that has existed throughout history because even thousands of years ago small minded weak people existed in society. The solution is proper education and making sure children aren’t corrupted by inhumane thoughts. Hopefully an honest and true generation can put an end to one of the oldest diseases in human history.

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A Book I Loved & One I Did Not #30daywritingchallenge

I will not mention the name of the book I disliked to avoid spoiling it, but if you can guess it let me know.

–The one I loved: East of Eden by John Steinbeck.

It’s probably my favorite book of all time. Luckily it’s a really big book so it took about 2 weeks to read. It basically analyzes the psychology of THREE generations of TWO families. At the end of the book every single thing that happened and every single conversation meant something. It doesn’t connect the characters in a boring or very detailed way. The author focuses on what needs to be focused on and only tells what needs to be told about the rest.

Usually when I find a phrase or paragraph that I love I turn the corner of the page so I can come back to it and there are a lot of pages with flipped corners in this book. The only book I know that’s maybe more quotable than this one is The Picture of Dorian Gray but even though it’s more quotable I still prefer East of Eden. Not even a contest.

It discusses love, family, and economy. It gets into the head of each and every character both directly and indirectly. You WILL have feelings for every character. Some you will respect, others you will sympathize with, and a few you will hate with all your heart.

I read a lot of classics this summer but East of Eden is by far my favorite and having read both I don’t understand why Steinbeck is more famous for Grapes of Wrath.

–The one I disliked:

It’s a famous book by one of history’s most famous and influential authors but I almost hate it. The plot is great but the style of writing was completely unattractive. Unlike most books I read I never felt like staying up to read more or being anxious to go home and get back to it. The only reason I read it was to get it over with. I found the writing confusing and unclear, basically it’s not the type you would want to imitate in your own writings.

I did some research after I was done with it and people were saying they had the same problem not really looking forward to going back and reading it. A few people mentioned that back then the book was released in chapters and a few chapters were released each month. They say that it’s not the kind of book you should read in a few days and that may be it.

The ending sucked for me as well. After being ignored by the love of his life the whole book and her getting married then her marriage ending in disaster the book ends with the protagonist ending up with her. Don’t call me a cynic because I read that the author himself wanted a different ending that was only happy for the protagonist. Unfortunately he was pressured by his friends to make it a “happy” ending. How can I like a book with an ending that the author himself didn’t originally want?

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People Who Fascinate Me #30daywritingchallenge

It’s hard to pick ONE person who fascinates me and even if I did I wouldn’t be comfortable naming them. Instead I’m going to talk about how and why people fascinate me and why some don’t.

If I’m going to be honest I’m going to have to say that I’m fascinated by 95% of people. In fact one of the reasons I want to be a doctor is because knowing about physical ailments can help me know more about people. To be able to see someone walk a certain way and have a pretty good guess how they may have gotten injured. That’s something that says a lot about someone and from that you can deduce more.

I’m fascinated by almost everyone. I’m fascinated by people who don’t give a crap and do everything they think of with absolutely no inhibition. I’m fascinated by people who stick by the rules so much that it puts so many restrictions on their daily lives. I’m fascinated why these two groups of people usually hate each other. I’m more interested in WHY people are the way they are. It’s interesting to know how people end up the way they do, what led them there, and how it changed them.

It blows my mind how for instance when I go buy something from the supermarket the cashier only exists while I deal with him and the moment I walk away he stops existing. How many people do you meet everyday that have never existed before your transaction and stop existing after it’s over? Do you realize that the person you walked past this morning has their own life? Your life revolves around you and mine revolves around me but when we meet our lives cross for a while then we both go back to focusing on our lives.

You don’t realize that the taxi driver who just drove you to school will go home to his own family and friends and that he’ll continue existing on the same planet but in an entirely different world to yours. Same thing with your professor, your electrician, or anyone else who stops existing the moment you don’t see them.

This is why every life is fascinating. We’re so consumed in our own lives that we forget that there are six to seven billion stories going on at the same exact time. As I write this there are millions of people working, getting married, being born, and dying. How can you sit there unfascinated (spellcheck says that’s not a word) and be consumed in your own life? Are you not at all interested in other people’s stories?

You see a wedding ring on someone’s finger and it doesn’t take a genius to know what that means but there’s a story behind that ring. It could be so lame that it puts you in a coma or it can be more romantic than a fairy tale. You see the girl with one arm? Maybe she was born that way or maybe she lost it during a tragic accident. Maybe you find out how she lost it but you don’t find out how it changed her life and the life of her parents.

Unless they’re brain dead, and fortunately there are a bunch of brain dead people walking among us, people are and always will be fascinating. Everyone you see has an inner struggle. Everyone you see has failed and succeeded. Everyone you see will not disappear when you stop seeing them.

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Where I’d Live #30daywritingchallenge

So if I could choose somewhere to live that I’ve never been to before I’d choose Barcelona. I’d be minutes away from where all the magic happens: Camp Nou. I’d get to witness the best football player in the history of the game play once a week. Instead of watching games on TV I’d be at the stadium chanting and clapping. I’d live in a place where everyone has the same love I do for Barcelona.

Honestly though I wouldn’t mind not living in Barcelona. If I had to choose somewhere else I wouldn’t mind where as long as it’s not similar to my current country of residence. I want to live in a country where the air and food are clean. A place where the transportation is good. I’d love the people I’m meeting to be on time.

These are all things that seem impossible here in Egypt. I’m a very systematic person and chaos fucks with my brain. I hate waiting. I hate that it doesn’t matter whether or not you smoke, the pollution in the air will screw you over anyhow. I hate how food barely has any taste. I don’t like garbage everywhere. Does anyone like looking at garbage? Seeing stuff like this is bad for you even if you don’t realize it.

I want to be somewhere that isn’t always loud. Sometimes I wish I was deaf so I didn’t have to hear all the shit that’s coming from the street or the neighbors. It would also be nice to live in a place where the news isn’t the same everyday, unless you get happy news everyday.

It doesn’t matter where I live as long as it makes me feel like a human being with basic human rights. A place that gives you opportunities and doesn’t limit you and a society that isn’t so fucked up beyond any hope of repair. A place that doesn’t kill your heart and fuck with your brain. Amen.

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